SKIRMISHER

* Wolf Ray is on a crusade to stop people from shaking hands “because it’s yucky.”

* Fake FBI agent killed by genuine dump truck. You can’t stop the real thing.

* First miracle: woman gets inexplicably cured. Second miracle: the British government won’t stop giving the woman money for her medical condition, which is now gone. Third miracle: woman actually doesn’t want the money.

* Why men love women? Because they’d rather look pretty than have brains.

* Desperate bitch ransacks Bethlehem.

* “Would you like your tasty Burger King Whopper garnished with STD, sir?”

* Chinese Jiao Meige is proud to announce that her death-themed hotel, called Mausoleum Inn, is now open for business. Are’t you excited?

* When she’s not reading the news, BBC broadcaster Emily Maitlis fusses over her cleavage.

* The first reason why Jessica Biel is hot is she’s very clean, too. Like “you can setup a new planet and begin terraforming inside her” kind of clean.

Stumble it!