SKIRMISHER

• Amit Kumar, infamous kidney robber second only to Johnny Dangerously and that guy in that movie with lotsa spaghetti, has been arrested. Fifty traumatized-but-still-okay kidneys leap to their freee-ddoommmmm!.

• Ugly new-born rhinoceros is named “Kofi Annan“ in honor of former UN Secretary General. Kofi Annan feels so honored he won’t stop crying and pulling on his hair.

• The smell of outer space.

• “I’m going to kill myself in 90 days,” says 90-day Jane. She won’t stop talking in the interim.

• Dolly Parton blames her two ginormous breasts for being such a pain in the ass… or breasts.

• Beggars outside Wal-Mart earn more than Wal-Mart employees themselves.

• Five modern ways the world can end.

• Jesus strikes again!

• Society must be protected from people who commit sexual attacks while they are asleep.

• Filipino inventor Virgilio “Billy” L. Malang, so inspired by his countrymen’s love for booze, invents a vitamin-laced beer.

• 50% of UK men would give up sex for a 50-inch TV. Well, that’s one way of putting it.

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