SKIRMISHER

Not only does d’Armond Speers have a name like d’Armond fucking Speers, he’s also batshit crazy. Not only is he batshit crazy, there’s a method to it, which lasted 3 years: speaking to his son in nothing but Klingon, just to see if “he would acquire it like any human language.” And he’s excited upon [...]

This guy has it.
Jarrette Schule was cutting down trees on his rural property Tuesday in Comal County when he noticed a green metallic tube on the muddy ground.
“I had never seen it before,” said Schule, a 34-year-old Web developer. “I looked at it, and it kind of looked like a missile launcher.”
Schule took a closer [...]

Forty-year-old Bangladeshi farmer Mokhairul Islam receives the 14-inch television machine he won for being the most successful rat killer in his country. How successful? He basically dispatched 83,450 rats to meet their maker from January to September. And hey, that’s a fucking lot! Try picturing 80,000 dead rats and you’ll understand why this guy bears [...]

Turns out, 44 tons of rotting bison meat really, really fucking stinks.
Behind the freezer doors at a meat plant mysteriously abandoned by its owner, the 44 tons of bison meat managed to hold its own for months, masked by the brutal chill of two South Dakota winters.
Once the power was cut and spring thaw arrived, [...]

Three armed militants barged into the house of Rukhsana Kausar, 21, demanding food and a place to sleep, and basically acting like bad Bollywood movie villains. But when the militants began beating up Rukhsana’s dad, she did what any young lady would have done: attack them with an axe, disarm one of them and shoot [...]

Ever used the line, “You have to sleep now, Tom, or the horrible booger monster will come out of your rectum, eat your shit, slice your testicles to paper-thin shreds, then make you smell its hairy nuts” to your beloved kid who just wouldn’t take a nap? It’s a terrible “lie,” of course, but it’s [...]

Japanese otakus, or geeks, love some stuff that may seem bizarre to people living in other planets. Take these pillows printed with anime characters, for instance, or realistic love dolls dressed up like junior high school girls. They even take these “love objects” on the train!

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What looks like a relative of that testicles-churning Montauk monster that was formerly the blogger’s device for scaring annoying kids was spotted in Panama. Emerging from a cave, teenagers saw that creepy fuck and promptly beat it to death, with sticks.

Fearing for the safety as it moved towards them, the youths claim they attacked the [...]

Some ninja members of Mercy for Animals “infiltrated” poultry farm Hy-Line North America, in Iowa, and videoed how male chicks — deemed less profitable than females — are systematically killed a few minutes after hatching by putting them on a conveyor belt that tosses them down a meat grinder, alive. Yes, that would be 150,000 [...]

Calvino Inman cries actual blood three times a day, maybe even more, when  he’s really upset, like when he cries blood and he looks in the mirror and what he sees just fucking scares the shit out of him. Yeah, that upset. It’s a vicious cycle. Call in for blood donations.

[bloody fucking emo]
link: “Pictured: The [...]

The “disgusting” blob that Fred DeNegri’s wife says she poured out of his Diet Pepsi can was probably a gutted frog or toad, the Food and Drug Administration said.
DeNegri was grilling in his backyard tiki bar in Ormond Beach, Florida, when he popped open a can of Diet Pepsi, took a big gulp and started [...]

It’s a classic getting-laid story: girl wanted to lose her virginity, before the world actually ends. Boy convinces her the world was actually ending because, hey, the Large Hadron Collider had just been activated!

Tatiata Kozhevnikova, 42, is from Novosibirsk, Russia, and she used her vag to lift a 14 kg ball. Somehow we feel naked mentioning “vag” and “14-kg ball” in the same sentence.
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Baby was prematurely born, was dead, was issued a death certificate and put in a box, but hours later was heard crying from that box. The parents are still not done screaming.

[Dude tells reporters "Oh my GOD! It's fucking alive! That little fucking thing INSIDE is goddam alive! Alright, that's it! I'll never look at [...]

Some small town rapper who calls himself “ButtaScotch Swirl” did make this song “Ur Sucha Bitch,” maybe because underneath his cold hardcore rapper exterior are precious feelings, and some actual bitch hurt damn nearly all of them. You haven’t seen delusion unless you’ve seen this shit.

Donald Thompson, former Oklahoma district judge, insists that NO, he didn’t use a penis pump while showing the act to people at his court. BUT he may have “absentmindedly squeezed the pump’s handle during court cases but never used it to masturbate.” Sounds reasonable.

[Donald Thompson sincerely wonders why showing his erect penis to people could [...]

In today’s very important world-changing news, a Russian man apparently set a new world record by screaming like a girl.