* Zetix, a novel blast-proof super-strong fabric that can withstand multiple blasts, is so amazing we’ve just peed in our pants.
* “In A Stunning Development, Telling Horny Teenagers To Save It For Jesus Proves Ineffective.” There’s no way we could have topped that brilliant headline.
* So which part of “rhino poop for sale on eBay” confuses you?
* The poor get poorer because the System is being controlled by an anal-retentive reality TV show judge.
* It’s this HIV-positive, midshipman-sodomizing Navy chaplain’s turn to get it in the ass, hard.
* American senator wants people to use the “sex offender radar” so they know when to flee.
* McDonalds is now just one step away from actually choking kids to death with a Happy Meal.
* Now there’s a new, compelling reason why you should buy Nintendo’s Wii: doctor’s prescription.