How to save a man being eaten by a croc: (a) cock rifle; (b) aim rifle; (c) choose which is stupid and shoot him.
- Erich Kästner, the German Imperial Army’s last known World War 1 veteran, dies at 107. The Allies are so victorious.
- Japanese astronaut Takao Doi is all set to throw a boomerang from the International Space Station to see if it will return and hit him in the balls.
- Man with a loaded gun gets through airport security, remembers he has a loaded gun and returns to report it. The TSA, appalled at such honesty, arrests man.
- Science explains douchebag behaviors, so you can begin to like this great majority of the human race.
- Jack Nicholson offers 30 orgasms a week to anyone who might care. He’s sooo looking for you, girlfriend!
- We don’t like pigs coz they’re pigs: “the use of pigs raises cultural issues.” Oink.
- Mini Me, meet Mini Thief.
- What, you mean we can’t turn our girlfriends into human pets and walk them?
- Charlize Theron topless can’t be all that bad.
- Vietnamese woman searching for her father discovers she had been working for him.
- Medical examiner releases findings on Heath Ledger: “He’s still very dead like a Batman villain.”
- Canadian university has a new very popular course: Beer 101.
- Man inserts penis in mannequin, gets stuck, later complains that mannequin has no disclaimer regarding penis-eating possibilities whatsoever.
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