SKIRMISHER

* So how does an Airbus A340 say hello to an immovable concrete wall?

* The short, sad, unbearably painful lives of the “Radium Girls.” And the happy immortality of the corporation that fucked them over.

* “Homophobia. Check. Don’t give a fuck. Check. Obnoxious product purchases. Check. OMG, I’m an asshole!”

* Emma Clarke, the voice of the London Underground, has been fired for spoofing herself and saying things like, “Would the gentleman in the pinstripe suit and £1000 glasses who obviously works in the media, please take one step forward on to the track as the train arrives. Thank you.”

* Hospital’s brain surgeons running out of brain to operate on after slicing away the wrong parts. Help these guys, donate brain with well-labeled, clear instructions.

* Taffy the dog loves eating underwear and would have loved exchanging underwear stories with our Japanese underwear-removing super dog if he wasn’t so busy eating his 40th pair of knickers.

* Does recently deceased literateure Norman Mailer’s posthumous Bad Sex in Fiction Award indicate the old guy wouldn’t know a proper fuck if it hit him in the face?

* Archbishop in Cyprus, from the religion that almost owns everybody’s ass in that country, realizes money can’t buy everything, prays for rain.

* Pig heads on stakes.

* Philip Pullman, author of the Catholic League’s most recent whipping boy The Golden Compass (now a movie!), says not because a kid actually kills God in the story does it mean he’s peddling “candy-coated atheism.” Because if he were, he’d have made God smelly and covered with warts.

* Man arrested for loving cats so much, even when half of them were dead.

* Somebody should have tipped Alexander Smith that the $1M bill works only in Spank Me University.

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