SKIRMISHER

Sudanese poet and novelist Kola Boof, former sex slave of Osama bin Laden, says in her recently released autobiography, Diary of a Lost Girl that Osama thinks Whitney Houston is oozing with so much hotness he’d spend his days thinking about how wonderful it would be if he could kill Bobby Brown to make her one of his wives.

“Osama kept coming back to Whitney Houston,” she says in the book, excerpted in the magazine Harpers’ Bazaar. “He asked if I knew her personally when I lived in America. I told him I didn’t.

“He said that he had a paramount desire for Whitney Houston, and although he claimed music was evil he spoke of someday spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting with the superstar.

“It didn’t seem impossible to me. He said he wanted to give Whitney Houston a mansion that he owned in a suburb of Khartoum.

“Whitney Houston’s name was the one that would be mention constantly.

“How beautiful she was, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women’s husbands killed.”

Seems like former groupies of Osama bin Laden gather in boarded-up apartments where members of the Western press happen to be by, playing the fun game, “Who’s Next to Spill the Beans and Be Like so Frigging Famous For, Like, 15 Minutes?” So don’t be surprised to find another former sex slave/bodyguard/beard groomer/body louse gatherer to come forward and say a thing or two about Osama’s fetish for high-heeled shoes and the wearing of women’s underwear.

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