SKIRMISHER

In what can be considered a classic case of either wardrobe malfunction or botched “boob job,” a 28-year-old cross-dressing fellow in South Africa was caught in a post-theft chase after one of his “tits” fell off.

Wearing a wig and thong and brimming with an otherwise sunshiny disposition, the thief tried convincing the police that he was returning home from a fancy dress party.

In a sudden strike of inspiration, I licentiously imagine the exchange:

Police: Is this one of your “sugar tits,” ma’am?

Thief: Of course not, you naughty police officer, you!

Police: Are those real man-balls dangling from the sides of your thong, ma’am?

Thief: [Either barks a song from the musical Chicago or say something gibberish for the simple reason I have no idea what this dude should say.]

Police: And why are you carrying those reportedly expensive, rare potted plants.

Thief: No fucking idea, officer, swear to God sweet Jesus! I’m just sashaying down the boulevard and Lo! I look at my darn hands and what do I see? Them potted plants, which are so pricey I could have sold them and live off the sale for months.

This corny, made-up conversation notwithstanding, you can expect the arrest will greatly impact the cross-dressing preference of thieves of pricey potted plants, or at least make a dent on the enrolment figures to Jocelyn Wildenstein’s How To Dress In Drag And Steal Flowers institute.

via METRO

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