“Because the alternative is too terrible to contemplate”

On October 22, 2008, in Weird Shit, by JB

How could we all not notice you? You were so ugly and those boobs were so little it was just obvious. Then the guy you were with looked like Billy Bob Thorton in “Slingblade”. Except even weirder looking. Quite a pair.

So thanks for hopping on that very crowded bus, sitting 2 feet from me and making out with the goofy looking guy. That was odd, but no big deal. But when I looked over and your head was in his lap I was like — “Are you fucking kidding me, you are now going to blow him?”.

I thought it was hilarious that all those Mexican guys sitting right next to you said and did nada. I almost moved away but could not stop looking over. I kept thinking that this is going to make a good Craigslist “missed connection” and maybe a “best of”.

The weird part is that the guy was staring at me with this serial killer look the whole time you were servicing him which was a little creepy. Like the whole fucking thing wasn’t totally creepy.

So much like a human in “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” I kept scanning around looking to see if anyone else was registering this. I kept locking eyes with the young punk rock girl across from me. Her boyfriend was being oblivious but she kept looking at me, rolling her eyes and giggling. As they reached that climactic moment she was uncontrollably laughing out loud and it really helped me keep my sanity. To pass the time I texted my sister in real time the blow by blows (no pun intended) and listened to my iPod.

Well, thankfully you two freaks got off somewhere near the Tenderloin after he came in your mouth.

When it was over I had to say something and just made eye contact with everyone and said “Did we all see what I think we just saw?” and everyone laughed out loud.

Learned something new last night. The 49 is a bit more rocking than the 47.

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{Image: Viceland}

 

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