SKIRMISHER

Whoever insisted that even Amazon’s Gourmet Food section should and must include reviews of items that don’t need reviewing is a genius. Take the banana, for example. You review DVDs, CDs, films, or books. But why bananas and onions? Only Amazon knows.

Here are some accidentally hilarious “brilliant reviews”:

Bananas:

• My wife loves these more than I do and tends to play with the firm hard and perfectly ripe bananas which she says gives her great pleasure when I am gone. I am not sure what she means, but based on the look of the peel, I have a feeling she’s not just using them for nourishment.
• Bananas are simply the best fruit from the Family Musaceae, hands down. Plantains can’t even compare to this delicious fruit (technically a false berry). As a food, bananas rank #4 globally in human consumption. Take that apples!
• One word of caution though, I’ve seen many a cartoon character slip an fall on a banana peel…when walking, ALWAYS watch out for the banana peel…ALWAYS!

Onions:

• I hate all kinds of onions I don’t want to have stank breath. The taste of those vegtables don’t even taste right. I wish God never made onions.

Cucumber:

• Oh how I love the most delicious, incredible, edible fruit of the plant, Cucumis sativus. Who would’ve thought that this was a member of the gourd family, Cucurbitaceae–a cousin of the melon?
• Cucumbers have many great uses. They’re delicious in salads, and is there any snack tastier than a pickle? I also hear they have non-culinary uses as well. Some say cucumbers help to reduce the swelling around eyes or the bags under the eyes….maybe that’s because they’re 90% water. I’ve also heard that there are more “adult” uses for the cucumber, but I’ve only seen that in movies.

Stumble it!