SKIRMISHER

The strange stuff recently oozing out of France’s venerable space agency Centre National d’Études Spatiales (CNES) is the green jello-like manifestations of 1,600 UFO sightings just made public.

“It is a world first,” said Jacques Patenet, the aeronautical engineer who heads the office for the study of “non-identified aerospatial phenomena.”

Known as OVNIs in French, UFOs have always generated intense interest along with countless conspiracy theories about secretive government cover-ups of findings deemed too sensitive or alarming for public consumption.

“Cases such as the lady who reported seeing an object that looked like a flying roll of toilet paper” are clearly not worth investigating, said Patenet.

But many others involving multiple sightings — in at least one case involving thousands of people across France — and evidence such as burn marks and radar trackings showing flight patterns or accelerations that defy the laws of physics are taken very seriously.

We know you’re itching to click on this CNES link and go see for yourself, but if you find the site suddenly not available, take comfort in the wild speculation that real UFOs have taken over and crashed down the host servers, and you might have to wait until the Gendarmes overpower them with anti-UFO tranquilizer darts.

Stumble it!