SKIRMISHER

It’s now official — Pluto is no longer considered a planet. After much debate and research, the International Astronomical Union (IAU) decided yesterday (08/24/06) to take off Pluto from the list of planets in the solar system, making the list of planets down to eight.

But as a recompense, the IAU reclassified it as a dwarf planet. It is actually a new classification by the said astronomical group which it passed on the same day that it removed Pluto from its 76-year status as a planet.

If only Percival Lowell et al. were still alive, I wonder what they would have to say about these recent astronomical discoveries and decisions made by the IAU. Would they feel that these latest discoveries made them look careless with their researches and scientific pronouncements over Pluto back in 1930? Well, these are just some of the “what ifs” in history that are not really heavily significant but is still interesting to ponder.

I’m not sure if this stirring astronomical decision will be for the benefit of our universe’s safety from the threatful unknown, but I wish the IAU the best of both planets, I mean, worlds.

And I have a suggestion: since Pluto is no longer a planet, why not change its name, too? Those remaining planets, aside from ours, have Roman mythological names. I think it’s not proper for this new dwarf planet to have its Roman mythological name intact since such names are already accorded to the real planets Pluto hanged out with for the past 76 years. Since Pluto has been demoted of its status, then it’s just timely that its connection to its indirect Disney character namesake should also be removed from our generation’s memory. Why not change the dwarf planet’s name from Pluto to Chip of the Disney chipmunk duo Chip ‘N Dale? I’m sure Charon won’t mind being renamed Dale. Anyway, both Pluto and Charon orbit each other around a center of mass, so I think IAU’s declaration of Charon as yet another dwarf planet is in the offing. Just think of the days that Chip ‘N Dale were goin’ round each other, happily hopping around a mass of acorns.

Hmmm. Since this generation is in the mood of rewriting history, why not rewrite everything else that needs to be rewritten? So I have another suggestion: since so far our quest to locate another life form aside from ours have been unsuccessful, why not reclassify our planet as a “bioplanet,” distinct from the rest of the planets which are lifeless?

And why not change our country’s nickname from “Pearl of the Orient Seas” to “Oil Dumpsite of the Orient Seas”? Check out what those foreign animals did to our beautiful Subic Bay recently.

Stumble it!