SKIRMISHER

In the seemingly consistent spirit of hole discovery, astronomers have found an enormous hole in the universe, nearly a billion light-years across, which is about the size of a divine being’s penis, and completely empty of normal matter such as stars, galaxies, gas, and the mysterious, unseen “dark matter.” This new hole is the largest to be discovered, but no one’s sure if the “galactic goatse” is what the souls of douchebags penetrate to get to douchebag heaven.

“Not only has no one ever found a void this big, but we never even expected to find one this size,” said Lawrence Rudnick of the University of Minnesota. Rudnick, along with Shea Brown and Liliya R. Williams, also of the University of Minnesota, reported their findings in a paper accepted for publication in the Astrophysical Journal.

Direct link to astronomers’ findings, because you just have to read for yourself.

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