SKIRMISHER

The South African denomination of the Bible Society is so concerned about the Bible-toting habits of young modern South Africans that the completely selfless organization has gone to great lengths to make the Bible downloadable on mobile phones.

In fact, there are choices: King James version for the more conservative, or for the upwardly mobile youths (pardon the pun), modern translations that most likely contain phrases like, “What’s up, Pharisees?” or “That’s it, one golden calf and I’m screwed.” In the modern versions, God is also most likely to appear in colorful, cigar-chewing cameos berating Israelites with snappy one-liners like, “What fucking pansies!”

By sending an SMS, customers get the complete Old and New Testaments as well as a built-in search engine that are, as usual, free of charge… but only with a minimal donation of $5.43, which is chump change compared with your soul’s eternal salvation.

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