SKIRMISHER

Manuel Uribe, who once weighed a half-ton but has slimmed down to about 700 pounds, celebrates his 43rd birthday Wednesday with a simple wish for the coming year: to be able to stand on his own two feet to get married.

At his home in northern Mexico, where he can still do little more than sit up on a bed, Uribe said that more than two years of steady dieting have helped him drop about 550 pounds from his Guinness record weight of 1,235 pounds.

Manuel Uribe and Claudia Solis [above] have been dating for two years, which actually means Manuel sits on a beanie while Claudia shovels Cheetos into his mouth.

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{Mad: The “Tree Man” now wants some of that “pussy action”}

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