SKIRMISHER

Britney Spears “grabbed an electric clipper and shaved her own head at a San Fernando Valley salon Friday night.”

Now the said ‘do is called the “Brit-Buzz Special,” for which Esther’s Haircutting Studio charges $200.

And why is this news so goddamn important? Because Britney is Joan of Arc; even Donald Trump would not — never — do that. Not to his multimillion-dollar beloved roadkill sitting on that head waiting for kind people to toss it some peanuts.

Our even bolder prediction is Britney shopping for some grenade launchers and RPGs and heading straight to the alien mother’s nest to take out the evil extraterrestrials that are planning to rule the world. She might not be able to do her personal best, but it’s reassuring to know that even washed out pop stars are capable of committing the ultimate self-sacrifice, so that we can all just sit back and enjoy the spectacle.

Stumble it!