SKIRMISHER

Doctor Raymond Adamcik, a.k.a. “Captain America,” was so devoted in saving the universe that the only thing he asked in return was for a woman to squeeze the burrito he had strategically placed in his crotch. When the woman refused, the superhero took offense and instead used his amazing super powers to grope her.

The woman called police and, when they arrived, the officers wrote in their report “there were so many cartoon characters in the bar at the time, all Captain America’s were asked to go outside for a possible identification.”

The woman pointed out Adamcik and the burrito was found in his boot. He was taken to the police station. There, while in a holding cell, police said, he asked to use the bathroom and tried to flush a joint, also hidden in his blue tights, down the toilet.

Lovers of freedom everywhere are invited to chip in some normal cash to get Captain America out of jail, and maybe some replacement burrito, too.

Stumble it!