SKIRMISHER

Ah, the Circus of Horrors. That fascinating show where you’ll find the very thing that delights you, like the spectacle of a dwarf who accidentally glued his penis to a vacuum cleaner. We pay for shit like that.

Captain Dan The Demon Dwarf was taken to hospital when he became stuck to the the machine after misreading superglue instructions.

The 42-year-old pulls the vacuum across the stage with his manhood at the Edinburgh Fringe production.

Its attachment came loose before a performance so he tried to glue it back on.

He left it to dry for 20 seconds rather than 20 minutes – and it stuck to him when he tried it out.

‘It was the most embarrassing moment of my life,’ he explained. ‘When I got wheeled into a packed A&E on a wheelchair with a Hoover attached to my willie, I just wished the ground could swallow me up.’

Stumble it!