SKIRMISHER

One of our crusading readers has taken on the gigantic challenge of campaigning for everyone with a buck to use their toilet-paper-purchasing powers just to save toilet paper thief Suzanne Marie Butts, whose happy, carefree mugshot (what with all that free two-ply asswipes she currently enjoys in prison) appears above. Don’t you just feel so mushy inside just looking at this kind, innocent face of a woman whose only fault is not realizing the telephone directory also makes good toilet paper?

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