SKIRMISHER

Think of the possibilities: you’re not only “cool” because of this product, you can also be a deadly earphone-wielding ninja! Take this, all you iPod bashers!

Some of “Ex-Marine Brad Collum’s” tongue-in-cheek advice:

Download to the Nano “We’ve Only Just Begun” by the Carpenters. Tell someone you will give him or her your Nano if they listen to that song a hundred times in a row.

Break it in half with your hands (very easy to do) and use the glass viewing screen’s broken edge as a razorblade to slice the jugular when they are looking the other way.

The cord on the earbud headphones can be used to strangle someone. A knee in the back can give extra leverage.

Dig a pit about 5 feet deep, then take about 15 3-foot-long stakes 2 inches in diameter and sharpen one end to a fine point, like a very sharp pencil. Jam the sticks at least a foot into the ground, with the sharp ends pointing up. Cover the hole with pine boughs, grass, and leaves. Treat the Nano like a slice of cheese pizza in a deep, hot oven and place it gently in the middle.

EIGHT WAYS TO KILL SOMEONE BY USING AN IPOD NANO [McSweeneys]

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