SKIRMISHER

Just when you thought you’ve seen it all, you’ll see more.

Gangbang, blowjob, missionary position, doggie, dogging, swinging, deepthroating, bestiality, goatse, two girls and one cup, not even a well-hung horse. Those are the wonderful things Clara Meadmore never ever touched in the past 105 years of her life.

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An Elgin woman is under investigation in connection with a strange—and possibly criminal—campaign to reconcile her 13-year-old daughter with a former boyfriend.

Authorities say she threatened to publish nude pictures of the boy on the Internet unless he contacted the girl.

The 42-year-old woman reportedly peppered the Sleepy Hollow boy, also 13, with phone calls, e-mails and thousands of text messages aimed at reuniting the young couple, according to a search warrant and affidavit filed late last month. The Tribune is not naming the woman because she has not been charged.

When those tactics failed, the woman threatened to publish photos online of the naked teen that he had sent to her daughter via cell phone, the records say.

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{Photo: the wonderful mystery of Nature known only as “woman in a cow suit”}

You haven’t yet wrapped your head around the $85 billion the US Fed lent AIG, here comes another $38 billion to keep you jumping up and down on your bed.

The Federal Reserve announced Wednesday it was lending billions of additional funds to cash-strapped American International Group Inc.

Under the program, the New York Federal Reserve Bank will provide $37.8 billion in additional cash to certain domestic life insurance subsidiaries of AIG in return for investment-grade, fixed-income securities.

AIG already has an $85 billion line of credit with the Fed. As of last week, AIG had used $60 billion of this loan, according to Fed data.

This new program will allow AIG to replenish liquidity, the Fed said. At the same time, the securities will provide enhanced protection to U.S. taxpayers, the central bank said.

In a separate statement, AIG said the New York Fed is prepared to borrow securities to extend AIG’s currently outstanding lending obligations where those obligations are not rolled over or replaced by transactions with other private market participants.

The arrangement will help AIG secure funds on an as-needed basis, the company said.
AIG recently put many of its businesses up for sale to try to repay the government loan.

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{Related: how to fuck America like a ninja}

A Cambodian couple who has separated decided to saw their house in half. Not the most logical shit to do, but the darned house looks awesome from this angle.

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False eyelashes by Shu Uemura. Didn’t that just make your dick move?

SenSlip: brought to you by “the world leaders in the manufacture of artificial foreskin for circumcised men.”

And here we’ve already spent half of our lives not knowing this shit exists.

A bukkake shoot where the participants were to be paid in cash was reportedly robbed by an armed man Wednesday night. The production was at Van Nuys Studios in Van Nuys, Calif.

“We usually pay the first 50 guys in cash,” director Jim Powers told XBIZ. “So there’s $3,750 in individual envelopes of $75. We had everybody on the set, watching the girl, posing for the box cover, when all of a sudden Johnny [production manager Johnny Thrust] comes in, saying, ‘I’ve been robbed.’

“Apparently a man came in there, pulled the gun. Johnny thought he was kidding, but the guy put the gun in his face and said ‘Give me the money. In the drawer. Now.’ He knew exactly where it was.”

Powers thinks one of the bukkake participants was involved in the robbery.

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{Photo: Japan’s “mechanized masturbation”}