SKIRMISHER

Skirmisher: Which do you think is more manly: Reddit, Digg, or a pitbull wearing Hello Kitty underwear, and why?

Barats and Bereta: A pitdigg wearing Redditt underwear. Why? Cuz I just said so.

Skirmisher: Which is more manly: screwing a she-goat or a male goat?

Barats and Bereta: Dude, you’re a perv.

Skirmisher: If you meet George Bush on a dark, deserted alley, what would you do?

Barats and Bereta: I would shake his hand (to accrue his Presidential powers via osmosis), then kick his ass (to establish myself as the alpha male of the alley). Then we would discuss our respective political philosophies in a civil manner.

Skirmisher: If you suddenly find yourselves naked with Maddox in a sauna room, then he begins conversing with you in that soft Michael Jackson voice about how he just hates the iPhone, what would you do?

Barats and Bereta: I would do what I always do. Be awesome.

Skirmisher: Which do you think is *hypothetically* hottest: Oprah Winfrey, Mother Teresa, or a girl named Biggus Dickus?

Barats and Bereta: Hypothetical nothing. I know Biggus personally and she is FINE.

Skirmisher: If Borat’s hobby is “taking pictures of women on the toilet,” what is yours?

Barats and Bereta: Chess.

Skirmisher: If Steve Jobs and Bill Gates compete in some sort of celebrity deathmatch, who do you think might win and how?

Barats and Bereta: Steve Jobs would fire his musket (one of the more obscure features of the iPhone) but the ball would simply ricochet off Gates’ wallet. Forced into hand-to-hand combat, they would throw weak jabs at one another until Jobs tagged in Justin Long FTW.

Skirmisher: Which country do you think has the best boobs in the world?

Barats and Bereta: Is Asia a country? No matter, it’ll all be America soon enough.

Skirmisher: Which do you think is more manly: the iPod, the Zune, or an mp3 player shaped like Ron Jeremy’s woody?

Barats and Bereta: Whichever is blaring Springsteen the loudest.

Skirmisher: And most importantly, what is your surefire way of getting laid?

Barats and Bereta: Chill by the men’s jeans in JC Penny. Seriously. When a woman shows up to buy guy pants that have a waistband of 48″ or more make your move. Chances are she’s unhappy with her large-waisted man back at home. However, keep a close eye on the inseam– there’s a big difference between a guy who wears a 48×32 and a guy filling out a 48×48. Approach a woman buying 48×48’s and you could wind up in the hospital.

Skirmisher: So where can we see more of you?

Barats and Bereta: In one of two places: either at Barats&Bereta or your worst nightmare. I suggest Barats&Bereta.

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