SKIRMISHER

How to respond to idiot customers via BS-free email:

Hi (name removed),

Thank you very much for your e-mail.

The e-mail address (e-mail address removed) is on our mailing list because a person used it to ask for a free condom on 11 May 2006. That’s a long time ago, so maybe you forgot the two were connected.Our mailing list is a double-opt-in system which means the owner of the e-mail address has to click on a link in an e-mail we send to prove that they own the e-mail address and to confirm that they want to join the mailing list and receive the free item.The owner of (e-mail address removed) clicked the double opt-in link.Every e-mail we send to our mailing list has an unsubscribe link at the bottom. I have clicked this for you to remove your address from the list.

We are sorry if you received e-mail that you think you didn’t ask for and understand that it is annoying, which is why we are so careful to run a double opt-in list.

Do let me know if you have any more questions about our fucking list and I’ll be happy to help when I’ve stopped sucking cock.

– Richard, LoveHoney Customer Care who sucks cock when he’s not busy unsubscribing idiots from LoveHoney’s (proud maker of vibrating panties) mailing list.

The customer’s original email for context:

—– Original Message —–
From: [e-mail address removed]
Sent: 11 March 2008 18:38
To: LoveHoney News
Subject: Re: 1 Week at £1.99 - Toys for Him and Her at LoveHoney

Stop sending me this fucking shit. Right now, take my off your fucking list you cocksuckers. I’m tired of getting your goddam spam. If you don’t stop I’m going to find a way to stop you myself.

{Mad: Jon Lajoie’s “Everyday normal guy” gangsta rap}

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