SKIRMISHER

Some scientists find a strong dinosaur-bird link, and the crafty bullshitters at the religious parody/satire site, Landover Baptist, come quick with the eureka: Noah’s children rode on flying dinosaurs!

How the hell did you think Noah’s gang hauled all those duck-billed platypus from Australia and penguins and polar bears from the Antarctic, to cram all these weird animals in a 450-foot ark?

“Dr. Edwards explains that it would have been impossible for Noah’s sons to travel to the four corners of the earth to areas that were previously inaccessible on foot. “Noah and his sons had to collect two of every single creature on the face of the planet,” he says. “We’re talking about a big haul here. At first we just attributed it to what Creation Scientists call, the Holy Finger Snapping Theory. That’s where God snaps his fingers and just makes it so.” Edwards points out that Creation Scientists are still unanimous in attributing the fact that Noah was able to load 100 million plus animals onto a 450 foot ark “in the selfsame day” (Genesis 7:13-14) to the Finger Snapping Theory. In the case of how the animals were collected from remote regions of the world in the first place however, recent archeological finds indicate that Noah’s sons were able to tame giant flying dinosaurs and in turn, load them up with food supplies and hitch rides for long trips around the world to China, South America, Australia, Greenland, and the North Pole.”

One of the few places online that dish out fine pieces of parody, Landover Baptist is also notoriously funny for its ads, such as one that gives children a chance to own a Playstation 2 if they profess belief in Jesus H. Christ.

LANDOVER BAPTIST, in context

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