SKIRMISHER

The very idea of Mike Tyson applying to replace Bob Barker in The Price Is Right is so thought-provoking, we don’t know how you’re going to eat your breakfast while reading the following interview excerpt:

Price Is Right (PIR): So, Mr. Tyson, tell me what interested you in the job.

Mike Tyson (MT): Well, let me tell you thumthin, I seen that old white haired man box, and he’th pretty tough but I’m pretty thure I can take him. Mainly though, I juth like surrounding mythelf with beautiful veluptuoth puthy.

PIR: Ok, well, that certainly is one of the job’s perks. Why don’t you tell me why you’d be a good fit for the position?

MT: Why, I’ll tell you why, my style is impetuouth, my defenthe impregnable, and I’m just ferociouth. I want your heart, I want to eat your children. Praithe be to Allah.

PIR: Um, ok, those are some… uh… interesting answers. Very impressive. Is there anything else you think we should know about?

MT: I wanna throw down your kid and thtomp on his tethticles, and then you will know what ith like to experience waking up every day ath me. And only then will you feel my pain. Oh ya, I can altho thell out Madithon thquare garden mathterbating.

We’re wondering why people insist that the above interview is a joke, because we’re desperately clinging to the absolute veracity of it like a hungry house lizard would to some nice, fleshy old-lady nipple. It’s true. Honest! Cross our hearts and may Mike eat my neighbor’s children!

Stumble it!