SKIRMISHER

Along with our dedication to zombie attack preparations, we’re also constantly on our toes against velociraptors. So here are some tips to home buyers to avoid or survive a velociraptor attack.

1. Check all doors and windows. Doors should be made of solid oak or steel. Windows should have steel bars with spacing smaller than the average raptor.

2. Make sure all entryways have adequate deadbolts. Quality deadbolts may be purchased at your local Home Depot.

3. Always keep a loaded big-game rifle under your bed, and tire irons near every door. Remember, you should never be farther than 20 feet away from a tire iron.

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