SKIRMISHER

Perhaps what endeared Filipinos the most about Joseph “Erap” Estrada, aside from his “pro-masa” image, is how game he was with almost everyone who makes fun of him. Well, not on his personal life per se but on his “legendary” comic character, particularly on his alleged English impediment (which some wags dubbed as “carabao English) and low IQ.

Take this for instance:

Inside Malacañang Palace, a high-ranking cabinet member was looking for First Lady Loi Ejército for the latter to sign some important papers. He looked everywhere but couldn’t find her. Finally, he chanced upon President Erap coming out from one of the function rooms with other officials. The cabinet member walked to the president and casually asked him, “Mr. President, have you seen the First Lady?”

“Why, yes I did!” Erap replied. “Haven’t you seen her? She just passed away.”

Here’s another one.

Erap is singing “Miles Away” by rock band Winger. Here’s his rendition: “Mile away, no; you’re never turnin’ back…”

Loi corrected him. “Hon, namán, it’s not ‘Mile away.’ You should add an ‘S.’”

“Oh. OK.” And so Erap redeemed himself by singing “Smile away, nothin’ left of what we had…”

***

And here’s yet another one:

Ramos: Erap, why do you cry while eating Chippy? And why do you shed your tears on the wrapper?
Erap: Because it says here on top, “Tear here.”

***

Darn it son, I just can’t stop!!!

One particular day many years ago, Erap’s wife was having labor pains. Erap panicked so he called their doctor.
Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!
Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?
Erap: Yes, doc!
Doc: Is this the first baby?
Erap: No, doc. This is Erap!

***

Okay, Okay, here’s my last:

Erap’s pregnant sister was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma.

When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, “Doc, what happened to my baby!” The doctor replied, “Ma’am, you’ve had twins! You’re the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, Erap named the children for you.”

“Oh, no!” shrieked the woman. “Not him! He’s not really all
together, if you know what I mean!” The doctor replied, “Well, ma’am, your brother named your daughter Denise.” “Oh, that’s no so bad,” smiled the woman. Then, hesitantly, she asked, “What’s the boy’s name?”

The doctor grinned and said, “Denephew.”

***

Dontcha agree that the Philippines had the “most coolest” president in the universe?

If you can’t get enough of Erap humor, then logon to http://epilipinas.com/erapnew.htm. This site, among dozens of other sites (as well as books), is a living testimonial to how Erap could inspire the Filipino intellect to conjure the most witty jokes one could ever think of. This site even solicits Erap jokes from anyone (read this, Arroyo?).

How I miss that clown of a prez. Therefore, I have one more Erap banter to share (which is actually Erap’s pen pal letter)…

Dearest pal, 

Hello! How’s life going on there. I hope that you are in
good health upon receiving my letter or may be you got
suspened “coz” you did not expect that you can receive
a letter from me. But before the world prolong into a line may I ask first
you a gretest apology if ever I disturb you rest and
relaxation expecially that when you are in concentration
of you studying. And at the same time Pal, I greet you
pleasant hello. I hope you can enjoing your life there.
Pal, maybe you ask to yourself there if were came I know
your name. By the pal, I found your name from column of
song hit. And then I decide to make this letter for the
reason that I want also a friend in other places so don’t
think any malice here my lettter okey!.

But before I go to further may I introduce first my simple
personality to you. Well……. beginning for the love of
my parent they got a boy and have a name. My name is Joseph
Marcelo Ejercito. Joseph for short. I’m …ty-four years old now.
My heaight is 5′8″ tall and 140 lbs. My birthday is coming
every 19 of April 1937. Fair complexion under the zodiac
sign of Aries . I’m a pure Filipino with little Chinesse blood.

My mother is at home while my father is working as a golddigger..
He’s digging golds at the mines. My hobbies is playing ball
games reading komiks books, participating in school activities.,
and of course acting. I also like to listen to folk songs of
Perry Como, Pat Boone, Everly Brothers and the Platters. I hate
listening to instrumental music because they are always defective.
I can’t hear the voice of the songer.

As for my school, I think my school likes me a lot. They
don’t want me to go after 8 years. They told me others could
get post graduate degrees after college , they said I can do
it here in high school. I only need two more years to complete
my Algebra. My families were so happy for me..my father almost
suffered a heart attack eveytime I showed him my report cards.
Doesn’t you think I’m good too?.

My teacher also liked me . whenever she needed something done,
she will called me. Like cleaning the board, scrubbing the floor
and manning the garbage can. I’m also responsible in drawing
conclusion to our laboratory experiments. Last time during our
chemistrty class, when we are mixing different chemicals together
and she wanted me to taste the result. I concluded that the
solution is little bit deadly because I got hospitalized. They
agreed.

At the hospital, the lady doctor said that some of my brain
cells got burned. I totally disagree with him because I know
I didn’t set my head on fire nor eat any lighted match. I only
drank an acid solution. She laughed at me and told me I was funny.
I think her name was Dr. Eloisa. She’s cute.

I think I finish also introducing my self to you and may be time
is enough already for you to know who I am . Maybe this will be
enough for you to guess myself, from now on you can describe my
self in your imagination.

Anyway Pal, I ‘d like you answer me. Maybe you can send also your
personal datas. Please I need you reply!!! I’m sorry for the
handwriting, I have speech impediment eh.

Regards to your family circle and especially to you. Take all
necessary precautions.

Your new friend,
Just call me Erap.

Stumble it!