SKIRMISHER

* The lovely young ladies living in formerly-virginal islands in central Philippines are beginning to ask one another how much the foreigners will pay for a taste of their pristine vaginas, as Petron’s oil, tired of the whining of the poor folks in Guimaras, has decided it wants to sun in Panay, too. Some people, however, take pity.

* Still eager for some more snakes or Asians on a plane? Try these snakes on a motherfucking plate. They must taste as good as Samuel Jackson’s mouth, not that anybody’s tasted it, or would want to taste it. Sam’s mouth, I mean.

* Turns out, the carelessness of the First World helped breed those witty Nigerian emails in which some general named Nbubu keeps on asking you for your bank account.

* Question of the day: If sodas (softdrinks) contain water, sugar, coloring, and some other fine chemicals, and bottled water contains, well, water, then why the hell do they cost the same?

Read also: NOTHING LIKE PETRON’S OIL TO QUENCH YOUR THIRST

Stumble it!