SKIRMISHER

Fans everywhere have leered and fap-fap-fapped over pole-vaulting sensation Allison Stokke’s admittedly hot photos, and now the girl’s all freaked out and haunted by nightmares of middle-aged guys holding a boxful of fascinating sex toys darkening her doorstep.

The wave of attention has steamrolled Stokke and her family in Newport Beach, Calif. She is recognized — and stared at — in coffee shops. She locks her doors and tries not to leave the house alone. Her father, Allan Stokke, comes home from his job as a lawyer and searches the Internet. He reads message boards and tries to pick out potential stalkers.

“We’re keeping a watchful eye,” Allan Stokke said. “We have to be smart and deal with it the best we can. It’s not something that you can just make go away.”

Well, don’t you just feel an immense, bottomless guilt for hurting Allison’s feelings? So bend over and have your ugly wives spank and punish you, you naughty trolls.

[Update] The Unofficial Allison Stokke Fan Page was so emotionally affected upon learning it has emotionally affected Allison, it has just packed its bags and walked out with a bunch of Kleenex and a pair of unwashed balls.

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