SKIRMISHER

Lisa Nowak’s recent “all for love” diaper-and-pepper spray extravaganza has sent a stiff thumb up NASA’s ass, inspiring them to publicize “a detailed set of written procedures for dealing with a suicidal or psychotic astronaut in space” to allay the public’s fears of spaceships raining down on earth driven only by hot, passionate, intra-space station “more than friendship, but less than romantic” affairs.

But while the documents provide measures that may or may not involve tranquilizers, duct tape, and an extemporaneous-albeit-clumsy performance of “Eeensy Weensy Spider” to calm down the unhinged astronaut, there are no instructions beyond that. What NASA spokesman James Hartsfield says is that “the space agency, a flight surgeon on the ground and the commander in space would decide on a case-by-case basis whether to abort the flight, in the case of the shuttle, or send the unhinged astronaut home, if the episode took place on the international space station,” cleverly not mentioning how exactly said astronauts are going to be sent back home. But if there’s anything Superman Returns has taught us, we’re confident half of the burning meteorites we see in the night sky are actually the charred remains of lovelorn, duct-taped crazies.

via AP

Stumble it!