SKIRMISHER

Kyleray Katherman felt his school was shitting him when the school banned bringing in bottled water, forcing them to drink from fountains. The fountain water was yucky, he thought, and we presume he hit on that piece of eureka when one day, sitting in the school’s toilet, he dunked a finger into the bowl, stuck it into his mouth, and discovered the goddamn water was delicious! Or so we imagine. In any case, Kyleray had been right: the result of his simple experiment showed the school’s toilet water was way cleaner than the one pouring out from the fountains.

Armed with a Q-tip and a petri dish, Katherman swabbed the spigots of four drinking fountains and one toilet, dunking the cotton in the bowl’s center and then dragging it around the rim so he’d get a complete sample.

Then he took the results back to the lab and shone a light on the dish to speed up the bacteria’s growth, via photosynthesis.

Each of the drinking fountain samples resulted in petri dishes swimming with bacteria. The toilet sample, by comparison, turned out mouth-wateringly clean, likely because it’s doused with cleansing chemicals daily. Before revealing where each sample came from, he asked his classmates which water they’d prefer to drink.

They chose the toilet.

We predict this discovery will spark some shitty revolution, where the lines between cafeteria and restroom will be eventually blurred.

“Look, Ma, no shit!”"

Stumble it!