SKIRMISHER

A caravan of vehicles, led by a giant tree-cutting machine, travels deep into the AMAZON FOREST. HARRISON uses a CHEAT CODE to spawn a ROCKET LAUNCHER, then uses it to blow up the tree-cutting machine.

SHIA LABEOUFI’m pretty sure the audience came here to see more Shia LaBeouf, so I’m going to fence Cate Blanchett in front of an obvious green screen.

HARRISON FORD

Wait, what are they chasing us through? Are there roads in the middle of the jungle? Why the hell did we bother showing that tree-cutting thing if we were just going to contradict the very thing it was trying to establish?

KAREN ALLEN

That’s what’s so great about this movie - we can just do whatever the hell we want, because even glaringly obvious flaws like that are dwarfed by the sheer magnitude of failure that is the rest of the movie.

To illustrate this, SHIA LEBEOUF flies up into the FUCKING JUNGLE and swings like FUCKING TARZAN along the FUCKING VINES with a FUCKING ARMY of CGI FUCKING MONKEYS. That actually FUCKING HAPPENS.

Everyone eventually winds up in the CITY OF GOLD.

link

{Mad: Movie marathon for people who hate movies}

Stumble it!