SKIRMISHER

Want a free Nintendo Wii? Do you hate it when you step into a store and you find no Wii there? Yes, we know exactly how you can get your very own Nintendo Wii completely free of charge. Just follow these sure-fire steps:

• Find a cute girl with a picture that can melt the toughest of hearts. Plus points if that girl actually has a hard-to-pronounce degenerative disease. Like, say, arthrogryposis.

• Email your local Nintendo about the girl, but you have a better chance if you live in Australia.

• Describe in excruciating detail — but never forget to be gentle about it — how the girl in question can absolutely luuuv the new console.

• Add finishing touches, like, say something along the lines of, “This would be the first time she would be playing with her family. It would be great to see her smile.”

That’s it. Sit back, relax, and the next thing you know, the Nintendo delivery guy would be darkening your doorstep with the free goodie.

That’s how nice Nintendo is. All you have to do is frigging ask. And here you’re wondering why do you actually have to buy it.

Stumble it!