SKIRMISHER

* Fat human tourists complain about fat monkeys in zoos. Fat zookeepers take action.

* There are thousands and thousands of reasons why civilization is doomed, but let’s settle with the 10,000 figure first.

* Pluto finally kicked out of the exclusive Planet Club, as the former planet found itself the recipient of a once-hot catchphrase, “Either you, or them,” which made the widow of Pluto’s discoverer say the immortal words, “Fucking sons of bitches.”

* Some entrepreneurs in Mumbai, India are either too stupid or so uber brilliant to have launched a restaurant themed around the ideals of the Jew-loving, baby-kissing visionary fan of the entire Aryan race, Adolf Hitler. The restaurant’s crew wonder: Should they shake the hands of customers, or use the Nazi salute?

* Strippers at funerals are now banned in China. In other news, Chinese strip at funerals?

Stumble it!