SKIRMISHER

* You know who’s the luckiest bastard in the world? It’s King Mswati III of Swaziland, who spent last Sunday checking out 40,000 barebreasted girls. Sure, there were also a lot of tourists, but your point?

* Implantable push-up bras make the future of sagging breasts so bright.

* People died in this mid-air collission.

* The mythical, blood-sucking Chupacabra makes people nervous in Texas.

* It’s hard to believe it has been 25 years since the first computer virus appeared to make “gnashing” a fashionable word to pair with “teeth.”

* Man buys pry bar. Vending machine speaks unintelligible Spanish. Man uses pry bar to destroy machine. Man triumphs gloriously.

* This woman has stolen her husband’s penis and is on her way to your house.

* Italians do the unthinkable.

Stumble it!