SKIRMISHER

Digging skeletons in the closet has always been so juicylicious. The timing is just perfect—some say suspiciously perfect. Just as Sir Paul’s divorcing wife of four years Heather, and just as Heather’s releasing a new book, photos of her oiled and ravishing self are creeping out of the cracks of Brit tabloidlandia.

Writes UK’s The Sun:

“One shot shows Heather naked and smothered in baby oil as she performs a sex act on a nude male porn star. The curly-haired man is then photographed performing an act on her with the help of a sex toy.

In other shots Heather appears to act out bondage scenes with whips, handcuffs and edible underwear.

Dressed in red stockings, suspenders and a corset — and with long red-painted nails — she looks like the madam of a sleazy brothel.”

Wow. Even avant-garde Yoko Ono, who has always been weirder than everybody else in the solar system, is doubtlessly toppled by Heather’s lickable nips—why, as late as a month ago, everybody sort of knew her as “Sir Paul’s wife.” Now, however, she’s global.

You gotta give it to these British tabloids. They’re simply friggin’ terrific.

LADY MACCA’S PORNO PAST [Sun]

CELEBRITY NIPPLE WATCH: HEATHER MILLS [Fleshbot]

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