SKIRMISHER

Oh, the cat-manity: “In several cases, pet animals (most often cats) have successfully been “enrolled” in suspected diploma mills in order to investigate or demonstrate the fraudulent nature of the degrees issued by those institutions.” Take, for example, Colby Nolan, housecat, and MBA degree holder.

Jamie-Lynn Spears, always looking on the bright side of life with that crazy twinkle in her eye, sees her teenage pregnancy as a form of birth control.

97-year-old man who received a life sentence defiantly says, “Let’s see if I’d stay long in this prison.”

Turning a dead beaver into a computer.

Drinking bottled water is immoral if [...]

Amit Kumar, infamous kidney robber second only to Johnny Dangerously and that guy in that movie with lotsa spaghetti, has been arrested. Fifty traumatized-but-still-okay kidneys leap to their freee-ddoommmmm!.

Ugly new-born rhinoceros is named “Kofi Annan“ in honor of former UN Secretary General. Kofi Annan feels so honored he won’t stop crying and pulling on his [...]

Voters in Chicago were told they were using “invisible ink.” Well, yes, of course!

School principal threatens students that she’ll do something unspeakably nasty to herself if nobody admits to a theft. Instead of waiting to see what happens, students actually confess! The outrage and missed fun!

This girl loves eating the stuff cows eat in a [...]

“Would Playboy sell so well if it didn’t have naked women in it?” and other questions — plus sincere answers — you would have asked if your mom wasn’t hovering over your shoulders.

We bet a flagon of ale on the possibility that Cory Doctorow’s new kid will hate him later in life just for coming [...]

Porn-proprietor Tyrone Henry insists blowing your semen on the faces of blindfolded, underage girls who think they’re participating in a “facial cream marketing study” is not crime.

BBC’s Planet Earth: if animals could talk, they’d say the word everybody loves.

Four children have died using the anti-wrinkle drug Botox… Yes, children. Who apparently looked like 80–year-olds.

City in [...]

How to save a man being eaten by a croc: (a) cock rifle; (b) aim rifle; (c) choose which is stupid and shoot him.

Erich Kästner, the German Imperial Army’s last known World War 1 veteran, dies at 107. The Allies are so victorious.

Japanese astronaut Takao Doi is all set to throw a boomerang from the [...]

Dov Charney, founder of American Apparel, walks around in his office in his underwear, sleeps with employees, and calls women bitches, sluts, whores and the c-word. Charney’s lawyer denies everything, and insists the only time he was in his undergarments was for “strictly professional reasons.”

Old man David Henton busted for murdering a female friend [...]

You know what’s much, much better than that monkey peeing into its own mouth above? It’s President George Bush pardoning himself for potential war crimes.

Feliberto Carrasco is a man who just wouldn’t die.

The New York Times shows you what you’ve always wanted to see but didn’t know where to look: a female circumcision ceremony.

So how [...]

Virginia declares war on testicles.

Why “Don’t talk to strangers” is the worst advice you can give to your child, says a security expert who loves talking to strangers.

Swearing at your boss is good for your health. So go ahead, you know what to do.

New York City decides it can no longer live in bed bug-related [...]

The Tom Cruise indoctrination video scientologists don’t want you to see, with juicy bits such as “We [the Scientologists] are the authorities on the mind. … We are the way to happiness.” Don’t miss!

Survey discovers that nearly half of young Brits don’t know how to boil an egg. The National Association of Experts in Egg [...]

Deadly fat: Jane Clarke teamed up with Jamie Oliver to watch an overweight man’s autopsy. What she saw shocked her to the core.

What, you mean impaling pig fetuses for fun is not good?

Man mistakenly takes a swig of gasoline instead of beer from wrong bottle, makes up for the mistake by acting cool and lighting [...]

6-month-old baby ejected out of an SUV crash, rolls and tumbles on the ground, suffers only minor bruises.

Teen boy was actually a 33-year-old woman hiding from police. And everybody in the restroom thought he just liked looking at dicks.

FBI fails to pay its bills, loses its wiretap network. FBI chief locks himself up in the [...]

Pole dancers, bishops and RAF pilots have one thing in common. And we’re not even talking about penis, yet.

Man goes to a brothel to have a good time, only to find his wife as one of the hookers. Maybe there’s a 90% discount.

Dentist Catherine Crowe’s dental treatment is so advanced, she can actually summon Jesus [...]

God tells dude to cook his girlfriend, but somehow God conveniently forgets to mention that it doesn’t fly with the rest of human civilization.

Dan Miller has changed his legal name into “The” Dan Miller Experience. Don’t ever piss him off by forgetting the quotation marks.

Gary Zerola, “most eligible bachelor” rapes the most rape-able teeners.

Animal center [...]

Jabir Khan, a civil supplies inspector in India, was told to improve his attendance. Which would have been fine if Jabir Khan was still, you know, alive.

Somebody injected epidural into the arm instead of the spine of London-based Filipina nurse Mayra Cabrera. So naturally, she died.

The Museum of Bogota — Colombia’s museum dedicated to the [...]

Wide, almost ridiculously easy access to porn has actually reduced the amount of rape cases. Ergo, porn is nice. And nice is good. Tell your friends!

Female sexuality — thoroughly assessed, revealed, shed light on.

Because kids are not “fancy enough,” they are banned from this Disney World restaurant.

Female soldier Alessija Dorfmann’s huge fake tits offended the [...]