SKIRMISHER

No job is more exciting than having the freedom to sink your rubber-gloved fingers into piles of thawed infant poop that had been frozen for decades, like the job of this bunch of Norovirus researchers from the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID). The shit-sifting team analyzed a shitload of frozen infant shit [...]

For only 2 paper clips and rubber bands, this Recession Happiness Kit will enable you to “smile your way” through this recession.

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“You know what I want?  A hot t-girl midget.  She could be hiding under my desk at work.  You know what she’d be doing.  She could be like Bridget the midget, a real hot shemale midget.  Wouldn’t that be cool?”
– from someone who’s been logging every little shit the co-worker serves on a daily basis.

Apparently, some headhunters and recruiters have begun treating being a World of Warcraft player as a negative flag for employee behavior.
I met with a recruiter recently (online media industry) and in conversation I happened to mention I’d spent way too much time in the early 2000s playing online games, which I described as “the ones [...]

Well, you only have to look at how this dude earns a living and you’ll be filled with relief you’re not in his place.
And it can be far worse: how ’bout masturbating dogs for money?
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Employee with a not-very-good case of the Monday blues does to the water cooler what dogs do to dead tree stumps.

Hi. I’m a professional screenwriter. Professional in the sense that I pay my bills with money someone gives me in exchange for writing them a movie, such as the esteemed milestones National Lampoon’s Dorm Daze 1, 2 and 3. “Professional,” bytheby, is also the term seasoned Johns use for whores. So I’ve overheard.
As a sexy [...]

The interviewer offers me these standard questions:
What are your strengths and weaknesses?
What can you contribute to the company?
How do you see yourself five years from now?
These are usual questions. There’s a whole list of others, but these three, you won’t walk away from a job interview without having to answer them. They’re designed supposedly to [...]

As many as 88 percent of IT workers would consider stealing valuable and sensitive company information if they were made redundant, according to a new survey.
Cyber-Ark’s Trust, Security & Passwords survey revealed that a CEO’s passwords, customer databases and research and development plans are among the information most likely to be taken by disgruntled employees.
Cyber-Ark [...]

Indeed, why work your ass off when you can just create this very realistic, totally undetectable “office decoy”? Looks just as dead as you are, and your boss wouldn’t even notice it!

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A Japanese labor bureau has ruled that one of Toyota’s top car engineers died from working too many hours, the latest in a string of such findings in a nation where extraordinarily long hours for some employees has long been the norm.
The man who died was aged 45 and had been under severe pressure as [...]

Somebody who has toiled long enough has come up with this list of four “ninja” strategies on how to pretend you’re actually working.

Above, photo of a very efficient office worker.
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Definitely one of those high-heels-and-cubicle visions that keep ‘em workplace-related boners coming. And oh, did we mention it’s awesome?

Presumably more fun than simply backstabbing colleagues.
{Also fun: Extreme office tennis}

Awesome. As. Hell.
{Mad: The Patron Saint of all office wankers}

If you haven’t realized it already, these are nifty stickers you can stick on your lids while you doze off at work. We’re 10 million percent sure not a soul would notice.

Officemates can suspect, but they can never be sure, can they?

{Unsourced images}