Category Archives: Office fun: workplace pranks, weird and fun shit

Ideal Job: Sifting Through Decades-old Frozen Infant Stool Samples

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No job is more exciting than having the freedom to sink your rubber-gloved fingers into piles of thawed infant poop that had been frozen for decades, like the job of this bunch of Norovirus researchers from the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID). The shit-sifting team analyzed a shitload of frozen infant shit just to study the virus that causes acute gastroenteritis outbreaks. If something is found from this, it’s hopefully a vaccine. Apparently, the virus continues to evolve, and their evolution can be observed in shit.

“By examining the history of norovirus evolution contained within these archival samples, we can see how the virus has changed during this time, and we also can better predict how the virus is likely to change in the future,” says Dr. Bok. If scientists one day crack the problem of growing norovirus in the lab, information about the rate of evolution will be invaluable to developing vaccines, adds Dr. Green.

Ah, the things we learn from poop.

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Recruiter Not Hiring Specifically ‘World Of Warcraft’ Players

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Apparently, some headhunters and recruiters have begun treating being a World of Warcraft player as a negative flag for employee behavior.

I met with a recruiter recently (online media industry) and in conversation I happened to mention I’d spent way too much time in the early 2000s playing online games, which I described as “the ones before World of Warcraft” (I went nuts for EQ1, SWG and the start of WoW, but since 2006 I have only put a handful of days into MMOG playing – as opposed to discussing them – I’ve obsessed over bicycles and cycling instead).

He replied that employers specifically instruct him not to send them World of Warcraft players. He said there is a belief that WoW players cannot give 100% because their focus is elsewhere, their sleeping patterns are often not great, etc. I mentioned that some people have written about MMOG leadership experience as a career positive or a way to learn project management skills, and he shook his head. He has been specifically asked to avoid WoW players.

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The Art Of Selling Your Soul

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Hi. I’m a professional screenwriter. Professional in the sense that I pay my bills with money someone gives me in exchange for writing them a movie, such as the esteemed milestones National Lampoon’s Dorm Daze 1, 2 and 3. “Professional,” bytheby, is also the term seasoned Johns use for whores. So I’ve overheard.

As a sexy ‘pro,’ aspiring writers often ask me for advice while I’m drunk at parties and happy to blather at them with boozy enthusiasm. But I only have one genuine and practical pearl of wisdom, which I’ll gladly share with you now, slightly buzzed:

Sell out. Ahead of time. Embrace it.

Nothing will stall – possibly even kill – your fledgling creative career like pointless idealism. Dump that shit at the California customs checkpoint along with the fruit you had in your car.

From “I, Whore: A Beginner’s Guide To Selling Out”

{Image: The Spinal Tap}

How To Write The Best, Most Awesome Resume Ever

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The interviewer offers me these standard questions:

What are your strengths and weaknesses?

What can you contribute to the company?

How do you see yourself five years from now?

These are usual questions. There’s a whole list of others, but these three, you won’t walk away from a job interview without having to answer them. They’re designed supposedly to allow the interviewer determine if you’re fit for the job. They also make interviews full of shit.

I’m not really looking for a job. I work at home. I have a steady income from my online projects. I own goats, pigs, chickens, guinea pigs, and some other fierce animals whose ownership indicates overlord status. Which means I’m an actual overlord. I also own an ukay-ukay-bought bald-headed albino slave who entertains me by popping out of nowhere in a pink tutu dancing to the first few waltzes of The Nutcracker (when available). Clearly, I have everything. But I was browsing the interwebs the other day and found this opening for a copywriter.

For those who don’t know, the copywriter is the writer version of a prostitute. In the advertising industry, the copywriter supplies the words. In a more general corporate sense, depending on the company and the overpaid weasel who manages it, a copywriter may be asked to write speeches, annual reports, letters to the editor of some annoying but important broadsheet, the English essay assignment of the CEO’s seven-year-old daughter.

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You Can’t Just Fire IT Workers Like They’re Normal People

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As many as 88 percent of IT workers would consider stealing valuable and sensitive company information if they were made redundant, according to a new survey.

Cyber-Ark’s Trust, Security & Passwords survey revealed that a CEO’s passwords, customer databases and research and development plans are among the information most likely to be taken by disgruntled employees.

Cyber-Ark also identified that one third of companies believe that industrial espionage and data leakage is commonplace with 25 percent of those surveyed admitting to having suffered from an incident of industrial espionage.

“Our advice is secure the most privileged data, and routinely change and manage passwords, so that if an employee’s contract is terminated, whether sacked or made redundant, they can’t maliciously play havoc inside the network or vindictively steal data for competitive or financial gain,” said Udi Mokady – co-founder and CEO of Cyber-Ark.

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Secret Behind Toyota’s Success: Working ‘Em Engineers To Death

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Japanese businessman

A Japanese labor bureau has ruled that one of Toyota’s top car engineers died from working too many hours, the latest in a string of such findings in a nation where extraordinarily long hours for some employees has long been the norm.

The man who died was aged 45 and had been under severe pressure as the lead engineer in developing a hybrid version of Toyota’s blockbuster Camry line, said Mikio Mizuno, the lawyer representing his wife. The man’s identity is being withheld at the request of his family, who continue to live in Toyota City where the company is based.

In the two months up to his death, the man averaged more than 80 hours of overtime per month, according to Mizuno.

He regularly worked nights and weekends, was frequently sent abroad and was grappling with shipping a model for the pivotal North American International Auto Show in Detroit when he died of ischemic heart disease in January 2006. The man’s daughter found his body at their home the day before he was to leave for the United States.

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{Photo: Over there the Japanese exec!}

{Intriguing: Wireframe Lambhorgini}