SKIRMISHER

In Manila, Philippines, the Catholic Church has finally decided to clamp on the onslaught of ravishing breasts courtesy of plunging necklines that it actually has issued guidelines on proper God-loving attire.

“This is to remind people that it would be good to come in appropriate clothing because other people are scandalized,” said Peachy Yamsuan of the archdiocese of Manila on Monday.

“It is for the other worshippers who are distracted. You come to the church to pray and if your eyes wander and you see inappropriate clothes, well, it does not add to your spiritual goals.”

The majority of the Philippines’ 87 million people are Catholic and worshippers throng sweltering churches each Sunday, although some devotees attend religious services in air-conditioned malls, giving the ceremony an informal air.

But Manila’s archdiocese has issued posters advising women not to wear short skirts, revealing necklines and spaghetti-strap tops to mass, while men are warned against shorts, caps and basketball jerseys.

Yes, it also means you can’t use the farthest, darkest corner of the church’s pew to make out in those inconvenient times the car’s backseat is not available.

Stumble it!