SKIRMISHER

An exciting rumor is currently storming the Internets — no, it’s not the Whitney Houston-Bobby Brown split, but something that will give the average Al Qaeda footsoldier reason to eat his hat: Osama bin Laden, that great manly, non-bathing prince, has been dead for a month, say Saudi security servicemen.

Again, let’s be a bit clear: Osama bin Laden is no more, passed on, ceased to be, expired and gone to meet his maker, a stiff, rests in peace, pushes up the daisies, his metabolic processes are now history, he’s kicked the bucket and joined the bleeding choir invisible. He’s an Ex-Osama bin Laden.

Kind of corny and disappointing, I know. At least my years of mastering the subtle intricacies of Hollywood and comic books make me think a man of Osama’s stature deserved something fiery and explosive: Tesla’s deathray pulverizing him in front of hyperspeed videocameras, for instance, or maybe one of those seven gruesome ways to die as painstakingly fleshed out by Seven. But typhoid? Come on.

But here’s MSNBC’s dissappointing report:

“The chief of al-Qaida was a victim of a severe typhoid crisis while in Pakistan on August 23, 2006,” the document says. His geographic isolation meant that medical assistance was impossible, the French report said, adding that his lower limbs were allegedly paralyzed. On Sept. 4, Saudi security services had their first information on bin Laden’s alleged death, the unconfirmed document reported.

Maybe the intelligent question here is: What now, Whitney?

via MSNBC

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