SKIRMISHER

I don’t believe Kenneth Lay is dead. He’s the man convicted of things like “fraud and conspiracy,” so I’m seduced to thinking the news of his death is probably a sleight-of-hand tactic.

I think they’ve bought a cadaver from some cash-strapped morgue, hired the best plastic surgeon Enron money could buy, and, you know, shoved the whole thing to tumble in the spin machine.

It’s not that it’s unbelievable that at 64, Lay is not die-able. It’s just that this all strangely sounds like soap.

A spokeswoman for the Lay family, Kelly L. Kimberly, confirmed reports of Mr. Lay’s death but declined to discuss specifics. In a prepared statement, Ms. Kimberly said: “Ken Lay passed away early this morning in Aspen. The Lays have a very large family with whom they need to communicate. And out of respect for the family, we will release further details at a later time.”

Mr. Lay was convicted in May on six counts of fraud and conspiracy and four counts of bank fraud, and was free on a $5 million bond while awaiting his sentencing, which was scheduled for this fall.

Each count carried a maximum sentence of 5 to 10 years, so he faced the possibility of spending the rest of his life in prison.

I have this ugly feeling in my bowels that I might one day stumble into him in some tropical island, tanned and sipping from a tall glass of iced fruit juice, grinning with a Jack Sparrow goatee.

ENRON FOUNDER DIES BEFORE SENTENCING [NYTimes]

Stumble it!