SKIRMISHER

We don’t really care about the real Katie Holmes, but when some small town 18-year-old girl from Illinois suddenly appears on our screen and that we should all just call her Katee Holmes, you bet we’re all ears and eyes. Indeed, she’s hot enough to land on Page fucking Six. The clincher: Katee’s a “virgin” and she wants her cherry popped on screen. (See her profile photos here.)

She wrote to Shy Love, who runs Adult Talent Managers and has a Myspace profile, and the two discussed having her “first” sexual encounter filmed.

“I know it’s pretty extreme to lose my virginity on camera, but I like the fulfillment and excitement I get from watching porn, so I figured [a movie] was the best place for me to lose it,” the not-that-innocent Katee said. “How many people wished they could relive their first experience, if not to remember it but to learn from it, right?”

Love said she’ll start slow with her improbable virgin, having Katee try a girl/girl encounter first. “She comes to the porn world completely natural – with a perky pair of A-cup breasts that are far too perfect to have been constructed by any doctor. And she’s not just a porn virgin, but an actual never-been-kissed virgin,” Love gushed.

Now the Katie with an “i” is pissed and summoning all her Scientology priests to decide on what kind of nasty spell to release to the budding porn star’s way. But we hope not until Katee with an “e” fulfills her promise — not that anybody actually believes she’s a virgin. Because that would just be so sad.

Stumble it!