SKIRMISHER

I don’t deny that I’m homophobic. But I don’t have big problems with gays, as long as they don’t bother me with their antics. The root cause of this dread that I have for them is quite natural: they’re freaks of accepted society, freaks of nature even. Yes, there could be a heaven-like sensation when a dick penetrates a shit hole (blech! the very thought of this sends shivers down my homophobic spine), or when a pussy slaps it wet with a fellow pussy (yum). However, gay sex is just that — a passing sensation, something to temporarily feed what the Jagad Guru calls the “subtle physical being.” According to the Guru (as well as organized religion), homosexual intercourse has nothing to do with what sex really is all about: procreation, life.

I have gay friends, but I choose those whom I know stay on the level of respect. Man, how I despise those cross-dressing cocksuckers who aren’t contented with medium-sized boobs! Why, many of them nowadays could even give boobie queen Rufa Mae Quinto a run for her money.

But with this Inday Garutay, I have no respect at all. That is, until Garutay was victimized by an irritating act of discrimination.

Inday Garutay, born Christopher Borja, is now the talk of the town after she, err… oh, dammit, HE! After HE was driven out of a friggin’ sieve-like bar and restaurant, DAMMIT!!! USE A FUCKIN’ HE!!!

Okay, HE was driven away from that gay-sounding bar called Aruba along with his boyfriend who’s as sexually demented as him. SERVES THOSE ASSHOLES RIGHT!!!

(Hey, HEY! Pepe, chico, watch it, boy. Compose thyself!) Yes. Sorry…

(Why the rage inside?) I dunno. Maybe because I was almost victimized by a male friend who imagines himself with big boobs and a cunt? I dunno. I just don’t like gays. Sometimes I wonder why God made such people…

(Maybe it’s because you’re gay yourself.) SHUT THE FUCK UP! I’ll calm myself down now, OKAY?

Okay. Now where were we? Oh, yeah. Inday.

Borja played on the name of the late Inday Badiday, impersonating the “Queen Of Showbiz Talk Shows,” which earned for him a lousy ticket to a lackluster showbiz career. But due to that incident at Aruba Bar and Restaurant located somewhere in the metropolis a month ago, she’s now a transient darling of the media, and the heroine, err… oh, dammit, HERO! He’s now a freakin’ media troll and the HERO of local gay and lesbian groups and other holier-than-thou activist organizations, DAMMIT!

(Tsk, tsk. Chico, you might get ácido). *pant, pant* Sorry. Now may I continue?

(Sure. Go a-HEAD) Go a-what?! Why you lousy li’l innuendo-speakin’…

(Down, chico, down now… I was just kidding) …slimy old… DAMN YOU! I’ll catch you later, whoever you are! You’re driving me nuts.

Anyway, Borja (I’ll not use Garutay; it sounds wacky, and I’ve been hearing quite a number of wacky voices in my head as I write this) is now considered by militant groups as the voice of the persecuted gay. This is because Borja didn’t just allow the discrimination that the said bar inflicted on him to go by.

I first laughed out loud when I heard on TV news that there was a senate inquiry on what had happened to him. I didn’t pay much attention to the inquiry. What I noticed was the Senate’s seemingly poor attempt at making the public believe that they’re the heroes of the maligned. I thought to myself, with a myriad of problems that our country is currently facing (poverty, corruption, Arroyo, garbage, etc), why give the limelight to a character actress, err… here I go again.

eeeeaaaaaAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHH!!!

(Pepe, hombre, calm down and stay focused, awright? Don’t allow the pervading atmosphere of identity crises hound you!) *pant, pant, pant* Why, thank you very much, Mr. Whoever You Are. Now you’re makin’ sense.

(You’re welcome. Now stay focused…) Yes, I will.

(…just like a man) Why you!!!…

Darn it. Enough with that crappy conciencia.

Anyhows. It’s funny that the Senate, an august body of lawmakers where once upon a time, respected and legendary solons like Claro M. Recto, Vicente Sotto, José Yulo, Cipriano Primicias, Manuel Briones, etc filled the air with pomp, grace, and dignity, dishing out Spanish debates and speeches and laws that worked and made sense week after week after week, is now a mere laughing stock not only to the intellectual few but even for the average Juan de la Cruz. I’m beginning to agree with the newspaper ads (that are now all over the dailies) that call for the abolition of this so-called “useless” legislative body.

But yesterday, I caught Borja in a TV interview wherein he retold what had happened on that night of 4 July at the said bar. Aruba did have an inconspicuous dress code sign. But there was none prohibiting cross-dressers. Besides, Borja wasn’t there to look for some dude who’s game with gays. With Borja was his boyfriend, and they were waiting for the former’s talent manager. But the manager who arrived was not Borja’s but Aruba’s. The manager suddenly approached them and asked them to leave. Of course, the hero of this story was surprised as to why he was being kicked out of the establishment. He was frankly told that Aruba doesn’t actually allow people “like him.”

I assume Borja knows the difference between a gay bar and a bar and restaurant. Certainly, he went to Aruba not for any homosexual nights off. He was there for something else — his manager. He was also there merely as a humble customer. He was also there to eat, for crying out loud!

He went there as an average human being of this urban world, Aruba folks. Therefore, because of your stupidity to notice this, you should be abolished together with the Senate.

During that TV interview, I saw in the eyes of Borja not his screen character Inday Garutay anymore. I saw the face of indignation. And in his voice was the sound of someone being wronged. He was a victim here. He didn’t do any crime. He neither harmed nor offended anyone.

On that TV interview, Borja wasn’t a comedian anymore, but a man who was done a great injustice.

And for me, that is very difficult to swallow.

(Aha!) Shut up!

Well, if the owners of Aruba think homosexuals and cross-dressers are offensive, they should have put up a sign barring such people entry into their bar/restaurant.

However, such a sign would be unlikely since the Senate is now passing a law called The Anti-Discrimination bill which was authored by AKBAYAN Rep. Etta Rosales, Risa Hontiveros, and Mayong Aguja in the House of Representatives. It’s now in the hands of Sen. Ramón ‘Bong’ Revilla, Jr. in the Senate. The bill seeks to criminalize discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity.

I therefore conclude that Aruba sucks. And for this incident alone, I side with Garutay and the homosexuals. No, it’s not a fear of karma (that my children might end up as homosexuals due to my dislike with gays) as my reason why I side with them; I don’t believe in karma. I side with Inday Garutay and his pederasiyon for he was simply wronged here. Now, since the Senate appears to be at the helm of the situation, the plot is now thickening.

(As thick as what?) Will you please give me a break, you unseen cretin?!

Now, the plot thickens since the Senate joined the affair. What would the religious and conservatives think of this law-giving body now that it seems to be supporting the cause of liberal-living gays and lesbians? Would this discrimination bill also be a gauge on the Senate’s effectivity, especially now that it’s very existence is being questioned? Are there closet queens in the legislature?

But until then, Saranghameda, Bo.

Stumble it!