SKIRMISHER

So many government properties are up for sale nowadays. The most recent proposal is to sell Camp Aguinaldo along EDSA (!!!). It has caused quite a stir especially since it is the headquarters of the Armed Forces of the Philippines.

Just imagine what furor it would cause if Bush will sell the Pentagon.

There are even plans to sell the Quezon Institute Compound (in Quezon City) and (of all things) the Veterans Memorial Hospital. And why couldn’t they? They were able to do it with the Philippine National Bank last year. And they’re bent on doing it with JUSMAG.

Hell, they’ve been doing it for several decades now, even calling these massive sales under the initials OCW/OFW. Or Supermaids even.

Since the Arroyo government has regressed from a political entity to a virtual sales/marketing group, let me take this opportunity to suggest some Philippine institutions/characters that might just give them profit they’ve been lookin’ for…

1. Department of Agriculture. The sale will not only give huge amounts of pesos to the nation’s/Arroyo’s coffers, but it will also distance the Philippine government to the “embarassment” caused by ex-agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn “Joc-Joc” Bolante, whom the opposition accuses as Arroyo’s bagman. Besides, think of all the PESOSES that bio-engineered crops will infuse into the local treasury when this next-to-useless department is sold to foreign mad scientists. Why, Greenpeace might even open up more jobs to Filipinos when that happens!

2. The Senate. Want to get rid of those anti-Chacha headaches you’ve been suffering these days, Mrs. President? Then this would be a good option. Right now, Thailand might have good use for our wily Senators.

3. The Congress. Three words: no more impeachment!

4. José de Venecia. A classic example of the ever pliant, irrepressible, TRAditional POlitician. “El Teñga” is a great asset for every political regime. An excellent politician, bar none. Hell, BAR NONE…

5. The Lapu-lapu monument in Rizal Park. It’s better off standing among the Nazca Lines in Perú. Rano Raraku in Easter Island, Chile might even call for an auction to challenge Perú for the purchase of the monument.

6. Sell Guimarás Island (and the sea surrounding) to some Middle East country. ‘Nuff said.

7. Mike Arroyo. With many world leaders stashing millions and billions and trillions in secret Swiss bank accounts being discovered from time to time, foreign powers will be able to gain expert advise from him. Don’t fret, Ate Glo. Anyway, you still have Nani Pérez (Uuuuy, she’s blushing, na!).

8. Jóvito Palparán. Countries that are still having trouble with communist insurgents will virtually pay any price for this anti-commie czar. Unfortunately, he could be the highest asset the Philippine government has for now; if ever the US government will have communist roaches inside its cupboards, it might even borrow money from Bill Gates just to buy this costly human insecticide from the Philippines.

9. Mindanáo. It’s long overdue. And since it has spawned quite a number of annoyance, from the MILF (mommy, I love to f**k) to the Abu Sayyaf, it’s time to let it go. Give in to those “respectable” Muslims. Sell the island to the highest Islamic terrorist nation before the US gets it ahead of them (is it true that the oceans surrounding Mindanao contain a vital ingredient for nuclear weapons that the Americans have been wanting to acquire for a long time?). If that happens, much to the Mindanáo Muslims regret, US will just turn it into another Chernobyl. So hurry! Grab each Mindanao island before supplies last!…

10. …or grab each Philippine island, for goodness sake! Damn it, just take everything away! In the long run, that’s what’s gonna happen…

But compared to other global commodities? This country’s peanuts.

Stumble it!