SKIRMISHER

As Christmas — that most venerable of all reasons to get laid — ushers in as unstoppable as the arrival of your hated relatives, allow us to leave you with timely tales and tidbits to wow the happily sated Turkey-munching crowd. We’ll be back after the smoke has cleared.

• The most expensive Christmas drink in the world.

• Of course, now is the right time to remind everybody that Adolf Hitler was a devout Catholic.

• Rudolph, the naughty reindeer.

• The only good baby Jesus is one equipped with GPS-enabled divine powers.

• There’s nothing like the wrath of a woman whose Christmas gift was opened too early.

• Santa died for your MasterCard, remember that.

• Another Santa delivers more than 37,000 copies of the US Constitution to Bush. Which is useless because Bush, of course, couldn’t read anything longer than Little Miss Muppet.

• Drunk Santas behaving badly.

• Some artists — including Banksy — spend time in Bethlehem to dip their hands in “Santa’s Ghetto.”

• Chinese snow sculptures! Just like normal snow sculptures, only a lot cheaper.

• And lastly, may you be as lucky as the dude in the photo (above).

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