Me and my family moved to San Pedro, Laguna on 10 May 2004, exactly on the day that Gloria Macapal “Aray ko!” was screwing the votes of the legenday Pinoy hero Fernando Poe, Jr.

Being an urban kid my whole life, I was so excited moving in to a nearby province (my female cousin’s husband, a native of San Pedro, was the one who looked for a place for us). We moved there for a variety of reasons: first, houses for rent there are cheap and just fine for a beginning family; secondly, its proximity to Metro Manila, our place of work.

Another reason was my passion for history. Everything provincial to me speaks something about Philippine history.

When my cousin and her husband (¿bayáw din ba ang tauag sa asaua ng pinsan?) toured me in their car, I was expecting to find a provincial setting, much like what Manila folks perceive of Calambâ and Los Baños (Laguna’s two most popular towns).

But what I found in San Pedro, the gateway to Laguna, was disappointing.

Laguna is supposed to be one of the leading provinces in the Philippines in terms of tourism (and even ecotourism). What met us on the way there was a smaller replica of Pásig River, a mini-Tondo slum, Sogo Hotel, potholes, dilapidated monuments, garbage everywhere, etc.

Now, for about a year, the streetlights in the main street of the barangáy where we live has had no electricity! Literally, our lives are in danger whenever we go outside at night for our work (me and my wife both work in call centers, night shift) because the streets of San Pedro are full of hooligans and rugby-sniffing kids and toothless pimps with their smelly hos.

And one evening, when I wasn’t wearing my glasses, I literally fell into a…

Wait just a second here… hmmm. I think I’ll have to write a separate blog about the sad plight of the people of San Pedro de Tunasán, Laguna.

Stay tuned.

Felicísimo Vierneza, ¡tú alcaldía no vale nada, pendejo!