SKIRMISHER

Ronald Kuch is a lover of many things in life, so that when his girlfriend’s dog died, he couldn’t bear the idea of burying this fine animal — so he sodomized it.
Kuch is accused of sexual contact with the carcass of his girlfriend’s dog on Oct. 20, about a week after the animal had been [...]

Variety’s Todd McCarthy gushes, “Possibly nowhere outside of gay porn have so many broad shoulders, bulging biceps and ripped torsos been seen onscreen as in 300.”
If that’s not a prelude to a fun orgy of men expressing their love for fellow men in tough, shiny armor, we don’t know what is. Nevertheless, we’re excited; who [...]

There’s something so unspeakably heartbreaking when incredibly audacious people attempt (and succeed) in conning a nice, deliriously luxurious thing called Gucci. The ad you see above is fake, but the prankster (posing in it beside a bottle of the perfume) had it published on the Swiss weekly SonntagsZeitung, which was then told to send the [...]

Thanks to the [exactly] five people who voted for us and catapulted us into the shining blogging firmament [if you'd care to gaze up at the night sky, one of those twinkling stars are us], we have decided to forgo our promised baby-based diet and we’ll try to look the other way whenever a plump, [...]

As you can imagine, we had no idea who Suzanne McNaughton is, but her recent topless Skirmisher-worthy performance swiftly shoos her into our bodily-fluid-smeared radar. Seen here is McNaughton (and her spectacular mammary glands, which deserve a separate mention) as a topless Venus in the Royal Opera House’s latest show Orlando.

Melted cheese, tomato, pepperoni, and an “uncanny” silhouette of the holy mother of God, and you have devout churchgoers in a Texas school worshiping a pizza pan.

The Japanese TV show, Gravure Idol Academy for Girls, is all about girls whose sole ambition is to succeed in life and master the fine things involved in taking off one’s clothes while looking like they have no fucking idea what is happening. And now, all their honest hard work is to be released [...]

In Singapore, the pretty prostitute of your choice is just an SMS away, as your friendly, forever-smiling Singaporean pimp has put the “easy” back in “prosti-easy-tution.” There’s a helpful, idiot-proof website, vital mobile phone numbers, and the kind of detailed instructions that prove there’s a caring, lovable pimp who actually wrote them.
via TEXTUALLY

The Speci-minder is an R2D2-wannabe robot that transports medical specimens and sincerely thinks you dumping your feces into its containers is the next best thing to tuna sandwich.
Speci-Minders first employer, Christiana Hospital near Wilmington, DE, named their robot Frances. Says Cheryl Katz, Administrative Director, Pathology and Laboratory Medicine, “We have a very large clinical lab, [...]

Japan Airlines (JAL) pilot Masahiro Nomura is the latest Asian addition in Lisa Nowak’s hopefully growing number of fanboy me-too all-for-love adventurers, as the object of Nomura affection (his stewardess ex-girlfriend) found herself the star in her own radio show.
Between June 2002 and November last year, Nomura secretly set up two wireless microphones at the [...]

Somebody in Brazil, probably smart enough to wander into one of those pleasant-sounding favelas toting a shiny Macbook Pro, got mugged and shot. This is his Macbook Pro, and according to certain excitable people, the laptop still works. The technical lesson here kids is: buy at least four Macbooks to cover vital spots of your [...]

As Kareem Nabeel Sulaiman’s imprisonment sprouts an online cottage industry of fine Kareem-inspired apparel, coffee mugs, and nice buttons, it also brings home the juicy fact of Egypt is now officially the must-go destination for bloggers with an unshakable martyr complex and a finger that must scratch whatever itched, where putting into mere words whatever [...]

A recent Hyundai TV ad has a male toddler picking up a female toddler on their way to the beach. But despite Hyundai cleverly editing out the sexually charged scenes that must take place somewhere between the pretty sunset, the Hyundai Santa Fe parked in the darkness [with lots of make-out room!], and the crisp [...]

At least 30 new animals, including this pictured psychedelic octopus, have been found in the waters off Antarctica. The find has been so “excitingly colorful” that the scientific expedition’s members, realizing that their lunch of canned stuff wasn’t as colorful, called up their mamas and blamed them for their sheltered, geeky lives. They now won’t [...]

“Sony you went wrong with your PS3,
I just keep playing my 360
Hope this song has [unintelligible, probably an expletive] you understand
Now you know how you’ve killed your brand”
Delivered through The Fray’s “How to save a life” ditty, “How to kill a brand” is a fine pop specimen of Sony bashing that any ignored and unfulfilled [...]

In a Virginia high school, kids who shouted “We love Jesus!” during a basketball game against students of a Jewish school were subjected to a sensitivity training for such a naughty act.
Dennis W. Price, principal of the Virginia Beach school who also watched the game, said the rivals exchanged chants, “Then, at some point, our [...]

New Zealand-based Hell serves and delivers pizza and other “hellishly” wonderful food that will nourish the devil in your heart. It might be a stretch to entertain the “musing” that naked she-devils wearing nothing but red body paint roller-skate their way to your table and lick the sauce off your chin with their long, forked [...]